I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
