Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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