i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
