well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
