You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
