when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
