i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
