bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
