The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugly people sure do ruin things
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
