Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
