He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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