i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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