How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
