the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
