i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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