doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
