I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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