Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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