Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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