This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
