final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
