My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
