My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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