i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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