she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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