rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
