A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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