you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
