Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
