If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found puke in my bra..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
