Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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