I puked a lego.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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