I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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