Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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