Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize