she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
