dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
