I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
