you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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