i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
