Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
