theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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