I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
