Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
