so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
