We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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