The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
