New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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