Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you had me at cake vodka
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
