I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
