i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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