when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
