I got chris browned last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want nice things and good sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
