i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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