3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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