Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
