I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
