I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize