You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize