He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize