I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
