as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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