so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
