Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
