booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
