bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
