I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
