He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
