I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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