is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
