Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
