woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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