I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
