Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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