I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As shirtless as possible
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
