After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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