As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
