New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
