Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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