i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
