I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
