I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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