i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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